jude_ith

Happening.

2009-12-20T23:39:32Z

I haven't posted anything for a while. It's not that I have nothing to say. But I just don't want to say anything. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I wanted to isolate myself from people, so I decided not to record my thoughts on what has happened.

The first thing:
I broke up with Julian. Okay. It seems odd because we were a great couple together. In fact, I thought we were considered best friends. Going on 8 months. We struggled hardcore to remain pure. It was really hard, but we did it. When we were on the right track, I noticed something... Our conversations where dry. Our love was on the surface. Something had to be missing. But what.
God was missing in our relationship.
A week after this discovery, I broke up with him. It was hard. I loved him. But I owed it to him to break up with him. I was becoming attracted to other people who filled that 'gap'. Julian even said, "It's not that we're going in two different directions; you're just ahead of me." It's true. I am ahead of him.

Second:
Lynne is being deployed to Kuwait. Everyone knows how I feel about the war. I DON'T LIKE IT. At all. I wish I could steal her away from all this stuff. She's maturing faster and faster. Her face is changing because I don't see it everyday. My heart throbbing with her heart. We feel the same. We can't live with out eachother. Life would become to heartbroken.
God, I just want her to be safe and happy. And only You can provide that.
I abide in you Lord, here my request.

Third:
I want to do something drastic. Really huge. Like, forget about school, about friends, and start completely over.
Walk around the country. Be Christ's hands, feet, and voice. I want to people to know that I love them.
Maybe I will do this. Probably just for a few weeks. Walk to Texas and see R.J. :]

Missing.

2009-12-07T22:51:45Z

RJ.

I miss you. :]

A Visit With a Man Who Makes Cheesecake.

2009-11-26T01:23:48Z

I visited Jordan's mom in LB when I dropped off my room at the airport over there.
I texted the guy, asking him what he was doing. He was at school, so I decided to
visit his really cool mom.

His mom, Louise, really really helped me with making my college decision. Anyways, I thanked on her advice that she had given me and we started talking about other stuff. Jordan called, so we picked him up. He had a friend with him, Eric, He's pretty cool. So we all hung out in his room. They played some instruments, and I listened. Talked about scars, cars, and later food.

Jordan's mom and dad took us out for Thai food. It wasn't ackward or anything. No tension. We just talked about stuff. The food was pretty good. Before we left his home, he offered me a jacket, I said yes. I was so COLD. Literally shaking. So I wore is jacket the whole time After food, I said my goodbyes I gave all them a hug. Jordan froze. He asked me if he could walk me to my car. I retorted a small question, "Are you afraid I'm going to get gang raped?" He said no and that it was just a curtesy. At my car he asked me if I'd like some cheesecake.

Cheesecake? Sounded good, but I was full I told him. But I said that I wouldn't mind the company, (I though Melanie would be present at the place we were going). So we talked a lot. He talked to me about his plans with different churchs and becoming a more prominent worship leader. Talked about his friends. We went to the house, had some really good cheesecake. We stayed there for a while. On the way home, we talked more. He shared with some stuf with him and Jasmine, and I didn't give anything away with me and Jules. I'm content with my relationship with Julian.

Then Jordan offered something. "If you're ever bored on Monday nights, you should could down and make cheesecake with us... Melanie is there at times, and same with Matt and Christine..."
So, I'm thinking about started a frienship with this man who makes cheesecake.

:] I think it's cool.

Another:

2009-11-17T06:13:54Z

1. Another Car:
2004 Jeep Grand Cherokee= 3,400
It has 66,000 miles, insurance is affordable, and it's CHEAP!

2. Another Job:

I've just applied for my 3rd (Or 2nd) job as a HR manager for
Tully's Coffee. I have great experience with HR and legally
hiring people, so I'll see if I get the job. I'll keep looking and
applying if I don't get this one. I kind of just want to work a few
days (SATURDAY mainly) a week to get some extra money.

3. Another Boy:

Julian is changing. :] I gave him an ultimatum about our sexual
temptations with each other. Because, the route that we were on
was leading to me breaking my purity covenant, and that's a No-No.
Anyways, I don't know if he'll keep changing and trying to reach
the same or even higher level with God. Until then, we're together.

4. Another Movie:

NEW freaking MOON! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

I'm so excited. :D

What Life Often Brings:

2009-11-06T03:06:18Z

Decisions.

Should I buy a new car? Or not?

Should I break up with Julian? Or not?

Should I get another job? Or not?

Coffee? No.

Dessert 3 times a day? No.

Shave? I need to.

Life is full of decisions. If you say 'yes', 'no', or even a 'maybe' it affects you as well those around you.
So, Judy...

How do you keep from making the wrong decisions?

Well, I'm going to pray about it. :D

You know what hurts the most.

2009-10-09T06:24:22Z

Is calling up your boyfriend-bestfriend-a human,

and hearing sounds in the background that sound like a small party,

and then realizing you weren't invited.

I hate not being invited. Especially by Julian.
Gosh.

Most of my friends have done that.... family... and now him.
I feel so small and forgotten.

Do I do this to myself? Or am I not good company?

I have know idea.
:/

Random.

2009-10-06T23:45:25Z

Jordan Jones texted me yesterday. He wants to go on a lunch date. I don't know what to expect.

If.

2009-09-23T22:20:54Z

If I would get something bad-ass: it would be this-

http://www.quizilla.com/user_images/P/Punkchic32/1044228683_industrial.jpg

Psalm 139: The All-knowing and Ever-present God:

2009-09-18T07:59:34Z

O Lord, you have probed me and you know me;
you know when I sit and when I stand;
you understand my thoughts from afar.

My journeys and my rest you scrutinize,
with all my ways you are familiar.

Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O Lord, you know the whole of it.

Behind me and before, you hem me in
and rest your hand upon me.

Such knowledgeis too wonderful for me;
too lofty for me to attain.

where can I go from your Spirit?
from your presence where can I flee?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I sink to the nether world, you are present there.

If I take up the wings of dawn,
if I settle at the farthest limits of the sea,

Even there your hand shall guide me,
and your right hand hold me fast.

If I say, "Surely the darkness shall hide me,
and night shall be my light"-

For you darkness itself is not dark,
and night shines as the day.

Uhm...OUCH.

2009-09-14T04:03:37Z

I'm contemplating on going to the ER or not. I have a four page essay to write before tomorrow morning, so going to the ER to find out that nothing is wrong might suck.

Hmm. But I might have a fractured elbow... I might... Just might.

Lucky.

2009-09-01T14:58:17Z

I'm eating Lucky Charms in the hopes that everything works out today.

Job Interview. Getting homework done. Nursing Seminar class. Some other classes.

Testimony.

2009-08-19T17:00:54Z

The Dean of Biola University asked me to read my testimony to the incoming class, parents, teachers, and alumni this Saturday, the 22, in front of Metzger's lawn before communion.

I don't know where to begin.

But all I can say right now is that God is ALIVE. Duh.

Judy.

I would really like all of you to be there, if possible.

How To Kill A Flower

2009-08-08T06:28:18Z

It's a rough draft.

Enjoy Miss Rebecca Jean Pollard.

Everyone walked into the garden at the same time and circled around Sarah. Ivy and Edmund froze next to each other their faces glued on her.

She held her arms around her legs and stared beyond them. Sarah fingers slid next to a beautiful bud and without word it flourished into a beautiful blood-red rose. Ivy gasped. Kai merely smiled as Simon and Aiden’s face looked at him in question.

Sarah ripped off a gallant, white lily and held it in her palm facing Ivy. She frowned, and the lily turned to dust in a matter of seconds. Ivy turned white with shock.

“What are you doing!?!” Ivy glared brown specs in Sarah’s golden hand.

“Watch carefully” Sarah said. She poked the mess in her palm, then with her right hand, she cupped over her left.

Simon laughed over the silence, “it’s like a magic trick!”

In her palm was the perfect lily; completely spotless of any other shade but white. Kai cleared his throat, “would anyone like volunteer for further example?”

After a few moments, Charlie stepped in the open space. Sarah slowly stood up and looked at her.

“Well,” Charlie edged on.

“Do you trust me?” Sarah smiled.

“Sure.”

Sarah held out both of her palms to Charlie. Once their hands connected, the garden seemed to lose the small breeze; as if the air itself went still with question.

Charlie began to feel the nape of her neck become damp, and then followed by the drips of sweat trickled down her spine. Moisture gathered around her forehead, and after that her scalp started to precipitate over her face. Her whole body was crying. Charlie felt her mouth parch. Her eyes welled up with tears.

Sarah closed her eyes in deep concentration. One- Sarah could hear the drips of water pound against the damp soil. Two- Charlie’s palms became cold. Three- Sarah broke the connection.

Charlie had a waterfall of tears with her emerald eyes looking confused. Her face was pale and her body shivered. Aiden stepped forward and touched Charlie’s brow. He looked at Sarah. He wasn’t angry, she noted, but he wasn’t impressed. His eyes held a deep remorse.

Sarah held her hand out to Charlie, but Aiden spoke first, “You’ve done enough. Go and lie down.”

Sarah handed Charlie a glass of water and left.

Books. :]

2009-08-07T03:04:48Z

I'm too lazy to tag people.

1. Tregaron's Daughter
2. Count of Monte Cristo
3. Scarlet
4. Gone With The Wind
5. Storm Swift
6. Jackaroo
7. Harry Potter Series
8. Twilight Series
9. Fortune's Wheel
10. 1984
11. Pride and Prejudice
12. The Shack
13. Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
14. A Walk To Remember
15. Go Ask Alice
16. A Perk to Being a Wall Flower
17. Valiant
18. A Ring of Endless Light
19. Sense and Sensibility
20. How to Kill a Mockingbird

There's Twenty. :D

Julian. <3

2009-08-04T05:04:09Z

He's on his way to London.

I just realized that we have been together for almost 6 months.
:]

Future Home.

2009-07-22T21:12:49Z

13800 Biola Avenue

Sigma Chi
Room 337

With Alexandria Paige Erb.

:] Woot.

Another Trip.

2009-07-21T01:53:32Z

I bought plane tickets for about 200 dollars to see my sister in Tuscon, Arizona in August.

More recent planned plans:
Tomorrow: Call and hang out with RJ.
Thursday: Dentist?
Friday: Chiropractor?
A MUST: See Katie for blonde hair streaks.
A-Have-To-Do: Call people to pick up their easy ups.

OH!

I'm going to be a published author. I submitted a peice of poetry in a Nation Wide Poetry Contest called, "Inspire". My peice was selected for the book and I might recieve Five hundred dollars if it was selected as the most inspirational peice of poetry. :] Woop.

So much to say.

2009-06-29T16:06:07Z

I haven't been to good about seeing people and being with the crowd during my last final days in High School. I guess that meant that I was ready to move on, or that life was getting to me.

Everything has been so weird and confusing as of late. My grandpa has had two heart attacks and has lived in the hospital for over two weeks. He's home now. Grandma is the stress monster. She puts all this guilt, stress, and baggage on me to worry about. Julian is perfect for me. He's been so supportive of taking care of my grandparents. He made chicken noodle soup for grandma. And he visited Papa with me. In between we've spent our time hanging out watching movies, cooking, laughing, driving, shopping at Ralphs, and romancing.

I have a lot more money now, but soon that's not going to be the case. I'm takung out a total of 10 thousand per year. That's not bad because it includes food and living expenses and a whole bunch of other stuff. I move in August 21.

Future plans for summer: do stuff for the Art Festival, make stuff the art festival, take care of grandma and papa, go to Mexico with Julian and Teena, Rocky Horror Picture Show, dance lessons, feed dogs, clean rooom, write and read, study chemistry, and hang out with FRIENDS!

:D
I love summer.

Breathe.

2009-06-01T20:18:37Z

New Moon Trailer!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78vIchP9u9I

A Bottle of Vodka.

2009-05-27T01:02:17Z

Chris bought a bottle of Vodka to our house for Lynne, Jason, and himself. Nate was outside with them, but drinking his own milk. I, however was sitting in the Living room with Julian and Grandma, hearing listening to loud, drunk voices.

Lynne is pulled in by Chris, and she goes to the bathroom. Chris tells me to go with her. So, I go. She had the door locked, but I coaxed her to open it. When I go in, she is falling off the toilet. I get her straight, and she starts falling all over the place. I ask her to spell her name, and she wasn't even close to spelling it right. (We start talking about random crap, and if you'd like to know what, ask me.)

Chris takes Lynne to my room, and laid her on the bed. One hour later, I go into my room and Lynne is on the floor and there's vomit all over my floor, my pillows, my bedding...EVERYTHING. It was so gross. I made Chris clean it all up with a little of my help. Lynne is then placed in the tub and she looks like crap. One hour later, I heard a noise from the bath tub, and Lynne is choking on her vomit, so I lean her head forward and made it come out. I saved her.

Everything is just about settled. Jason was a really funny, lovable drunk. We got him to bed.

After that, it was me, Julian, my grandma, and Chris. Chris mentioned that they were lucky that he didn't tell them any Iraq stories. Then! All of a sudden he starts to twitch and his head drops between his knees. His body is all tensed up and he starts to grab the couch. This lasted for about 2 hours, inside and outside. He was having seizures/hallucinations of Iraq. (That's what hard vodka does to you.)

The next morning, I get out my grandma's bed with only 2 hours sleep. (it's 7 am). I say hello to Papa and Chris. (He's on the floor, laying down). I sit with them for a while. Then I grab my cleaned comforter from the dryer and sleep next to Julian (He's on the couch in family room, and I laid on the floor). Julian made everyone pancakes. :] I start to clean. My room. I'm there for while. I walk past everyone in the Living room and into the family to fold more clothes. I start to cry. I was still pretty disgusted with my family in general. First, my grandma even allowing alcohol into our home. Allowing Lynne to drink. Chris, giving Lynne too much to drink. Lynne deciding to drink anyways.
Julian finds me there and comforts me.

He told me that I'm still worth it. Even after my family embarassed me.

I love him so much.

Writer's Block: Close Call

2009-05-21T19:12:19Z

Accidents happen all the time, and often we walk away miraculously uninjured. What has been your closest call with avoiding serious harm in an accident?

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Lets start from the begining.

Thanks to God:
I wasn't born a meth baby.
My Mother hasn't killed me yet.
That golf club didn't cause serious damage to my skull when I was 5.
I always looked both ways before crossing the street.
Luckily, living in Westminister, I wasn't ran over by an asian driver.
Weird skin infection that felt like the my skin was going to fall off. Good thing it didn't.
When I stabbed my knee... No major blood vessel or artery was touched.
My nose broke at a decent spot and didn't go into my brain.
The concussion didn't leave me to unhealthy.
I wear a helmet... always.

:]

You let go.

2009-05-12T17:51:26Z

Of me.

Doesn't a Writer Write?

2009-04-30T17:53:55Z

I need to get back on the laptoppy and start writing some Harlequin. Serioulsy, I want to see how cool the story develops. :] There's a really cool other name that I liked to rename for Harlequin.

Take it or leave it:

Pariah:

noun
1. an outcast.
2. any person or animal that is generally despised or avoided.
3. (initial capital letter) a member of a low caste in southern India and Burma.

pariah
member of a low-caste group of Hindu India, formerly known as "untouchables" but renamed by the Indian social reformer Mahatma Gandhi as Harijans (children of the god Hari Visnu, or, simply, children of God). The word pariah-originally derived from Tamil paraiyar, "drummer"-once referred to the Paraiyan, a Tamil caste group of labourers and village servants of low status, but the meaning was extended to embrace many groups outside the so-called clean caste groups, with widely varying degrees of status. See also untouchable.

I like the name. It is relatable to a lot of things with in the book. What do you think Trinity Bold?

At Times.

2009-04-23T19:11:58Z

Being in between a leader and student sucks.

I basically got chewed out for being in a relationship with Julian.

Gah, that sucks.

If I don't give student enough attention, I get chewed out, and if I don't give Julian enough attention I get bummed out.

:[

Writer's Block: And You Can’t Even Say Goodbye

2009-04-19T02:49:29Z

If you had to enter the Witness Protection Program, whom would you find it the hardest to NOT ever contact again?

Sponsored by "In Plain Sight" on USA Network. Season 2 premieres Sunday, April 19 at 10/9C.

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Lynne.